I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
