Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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