I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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