Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
