whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
