how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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