why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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