I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
