well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
