I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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