so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
