she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
