he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
