mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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