we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
