I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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