walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
