He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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