im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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