There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
