At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
