Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
