cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
