yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
