So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
