and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
