whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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