guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
