Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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