Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
