First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
