Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
