i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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