Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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