about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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