you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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