How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
