Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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