is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
