You're so nebulous sometimes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
