I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
