people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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