it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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