party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
