Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
