She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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