omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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