and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
