i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
