Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
