I wish I could teleport
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
