Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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