I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
